Tag: fear

When being uncomfortable becomes more

Hello Lovely,

One of the big things I have noticed in the online world is the lack of talk around anxiety. There’s a big focus on looking fear in the face and moving forward despite the fear, getting into the uncomfortable and unknown, but what happens when there’s more to the story? What happens when you are riddled with anxiety and feel paralyzed?

For many of us who are entrepreneurs and always looking to up level in business we are faced with fear a lot. It’s scary to put yourself out there and commit to doing the work even when you don’t know the outcome. There are a lot of what ifs, there’s a lot of questioning if you’re good enough to do it, you’ll feel like a fraud, you’ll want to quit, you’ll be scared of what people will think, this is all a completely normal part of the journey!

But, what happens when you feel crippled by all the unknowns and anxiety takes over? How do you differentiate between the feeling of being scared and knowing when it’s a larger issue of anxiety? Anxiety is a totally normal part of life, but when it’s holding you back and interfering with every day activities, that’s when it becomes a problem.

Anxiety is defined as: “A mental health disorder characterized by feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one’s daily activities.” (WebMD)

So, for all my girls out there that experience anxiety, know that you are not alone. You may look at those successful business women around you and wonder why they are able to move through their fears and unease relatively easily, while you feel paralyzed and stuck.

You may feel down on yourself and feel like a failure because you can’t seem to do what everyone else is doing. Just know, YOU ARE AMAZING! And you can get through this.

When I was younger I suffered from severe anxiety and I still get bouts of it from time to time, but I have been able to manage it much better over the last 7+ years.

I remember when I was in high school I never felt good enough. Academics weren’t a big focus in my family and I was never pushed to do my best in school, so I tended to slack off a lot. I would ditch class, skip assignments, and never give it 100%. Then when it came time to do projects and presentations I would get such severe anxiety that instead of doing the presentation I would completely skip it and get an F on the assignment.

As an adult, anxiety has held me back from putting myself out there with new people, from networking, from embracing myself, from getting work in on time, from being consistent with social media, from truly embracing my coaching business, and a host of other things.

The difference is that I can now recognize it and I don’t let it hold me back from situations that make me uncomfortable.

Here’s what has helped me and what may help you:

  • Recognize that fear based thinking is just that. Those thoughts you have about the worst possible outcome are lies and you have the power to decide whether you take them as fact or not. We have the power to tell our own story.
  • Decide to take your power back from your anxiety. Come up with an empowering affirmation or mantra that you use every day.
  • Do something that makes you uncomfortable. Once you start putting yourself out there more and you realize you can overcome uncomfortable situations you will be able to handle it better the next time. So, if you’re nervous about going live on FB try doing it once for just a few min and work up from there. The first time I went live it literally took me like 10 min to press the start button! I was so nervous! I let anxiety hold me back for so long from taking action.
  • Work on your personal development. For me, one of the biggest changes in my anxiety came from doing personal development. The more I worked on my self-worth and self-esteem the better I felt about putting myself out there.
  • Cultivate your confidence! What I mean by this is do activities and exercises that create inner confidence. For me this has been reading personal development, exercising, and taking ownership of the amazing person I am! And do things that make you feel confident on the outside too! I love to get my nails done, do my hair and makeup, wear a cute outfit, make my space look nice, etc. Anything that raises your vibe and makes you feel good! When we feel good we do good and we put ourselves out there more because we know we’re worth it!
  • Know that your anxiety is just there to keep you safe. The brain cannot distinguish a real threat (a tiger trying to attack you) from a perceived threat (people thinking bad things about you) so your brain treats it all the same. If you know that you’re not in real danger then you can lovingly thank yourself for trying to keep you safe and keep moving forward.
  • Exercise! Exercising helps so much with anxiety. Not only do you get a rush of feel good endorphins, but a workout helps you to physically exert pent up energy and pushes you to your limits physically and mentally. Exercise also brings mental clarity and that is a damn good thing!

The most important thing is to find what works for you. Try some of the tips I have listed, seek advice from a counselor, therapist, or coach, and just know that you are not alone!

Please reach out if you’d like more advice or help. hello@kaleighpettis.com

xoxo,

Kaleigh

Dream BIG Beautiful!

Sparkler

When you think about the woman you want to become does it scare you a bit? Like your dreams are a bit too big to achieve? I, too, felt like this before I got over my BS!

When I was younger I had BIG dreams, dreams of travel, adventure, success. I held myself back from going after these dreams for a long time because I didn’t feel like I deserved them or would ever accomplish them and that is RIDICULOUS! You should never shy away from your dreams because you don’t feel good enough!

Let’s get very clear on why you may be having these thoughts and what you can do about it!

FEAR– FEAR simply means FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. You are SCARED you will fail, you constantly fill your head with WHAT IFS? You think you’re not SMART enough, you think other people are already doing it and WHY would anybody listen to you, you wonder what other people will think, etc, etc.. We could come up with 100 things if we wanted. Let’s instead focus on WHY it will work out, there’s only one YOU and even though there are a million people in the world all doing the same things, only you bring a unique quality and spin to your brand because you are you. So, let your SOUL shine through!

Here’s an exercise that can help you take a look at some of your fears, write out your fears on one side of the paper and for each fear write out a positive outcome that could happen instead.

Self- Limiting Beliefs– We often put caps on our dreams and most of the time it’s out of fear, fear of failure and fear of success. So because we are fearful we BELIEVE things that aren’t true. “I can’t start a business, there are so many other people doing the same thing I’m bound to fail,” “I could never be that fit,” “I could never inspire anyone else” and we keep telling ourselves these things to stay comfortable and not have to experience the uncomfortability of being in a new situation and putting yourself out there.

Exercise time! Write down some of your self-limiting beliefs and what they are holding you back from accomplishing then write down and affirmation you could tell yourself instead.

Ex. I could never life the life I want. Affirmation: I am in control of my destiny and can live any life I choose!

Negative Self-talk– After the fear and self-limiting beliefs cripple us we then start telling ourselves all the reason things won’t work for us. “That’s not for me,” “I would never succeed so I won’t even try.” It’s all such CRAP! Get out of your own head and start believing YOU are beautiful, awesome, smart, and can achieve ANYTHING you put your mind to! I believe in you and want to see you live a life you are wildly obsessed about!

 

Keep Shining,

Kaleigh